April Fool!
Chances are that if you are reading this article, you have sympathies that draw the ire of Rush Limbaugh. We all know what he thinks of climate change, women with strong personalities (unless she’s a Palin), ObamaCare, and Haiti. But do not dismiss Mr. Limbaugh’s business acumen: he is the man who reinvented and even saved talk radio, is a sharp businessman, and excels as a master salesman. Now you should know something else: he has revealed to Vegan Magazine that he is a closet composter.
Written by Sally Turnup, exclusively for GreenGoPost.com
Our correspondent (not Cameron Diaz, the model on VegNews) toured his Florida estate, gleaned all of this out of Limbaugh during a recent visit. “It’s true,” Limbaugh said, “I don’t know why people think I am so anti-environment. After all, I tell my listeners to invest in Rinnai tankless water heaters, and I smoke organic cigars. Plus, why spend money needlessly? Look at all these great subtropical plants! Let’s just say I may as well repurpose my half-chomped cigars and Big Macs for something that’ll do the earth good.”
We toured the main attraction of Limbaugh’s estate, the 25,000 square foot crib that is one of 5 homes on this patch of land in Palm Beach. Once we got past the fact that the décor were quite similar to that of Saddam Hussein’s, Mr. Limbaugh was reminded to show our correspondent the composter. But first, he showed me a picture of him and Nicolas Sarkozy—another random fact, Limbaugh is a Francophile, also a reason explaining the interior design of his mansion—though he seemed annoyed at my next question.
“Is that a toothpick stuck on your shirt?” I asked.
“No,” he growled, “that’s Sarkozy’s wife.” Well, it wasn’t my fault he can fill an 8 x 10 photo frame.
And there it was: a closet retrofitted into a giant composter. So the closet composter uses a closet to compost! “Well,” said Limbaugh sheepishly, “it just got to the point where I couldn’t walk into the closet anymore, so I decided to reuse this part of the house. Everything can turn into compost here: my cigars, Whopper wrappers, leftover Slim Fast powder, etc.”
“The truth is,” Limbaugh continued, unaware of my next question (he is deaf, after all), “with my dietary habits, I no longer could fit into the closet, and I have so many rooms I just decided to use this spare space for composting.”
“Does Obama compost? Does Barbara Boxer? What about Keith Olbermann? Liberals got it all wrong—those losers order take-out from Whole Foods and eat artisan breads, but do they compost? No! By throwing out food, they only allow people to scavenge for it, forcing people to stay on welfare and not work!”
For a tour of Limbaugh’s home and compost bin, you can
visit the tour here.
